A Clone Apart
by Swordsman-of-fortune
Summary: A clonetrooper lost his whole squad and very nearly his life, now back on the frontlines he fights another battle in himself the wounds on the outside may be healed but on the inside it's a whole different story.


Officially I was just a set of numbers but to my brothers I was Trickshot, I was one of many all of those I grew up with had my face as well, clonetroopers we were called the finest soldiers of the Republic. The place we were at was a ruin it used to be a major city filled with shops, offices, homes. But now like everywhere else we went it was a battlefield.

The planet was called Christophis, where there used to be proud buildings now stood empty shells partially destroyed by the fighting, or completely destroyed, or completely destroyed. It was dawn the sun was partially raised; it would be a pretty sight except for all the smoke and the blaster bolts flying around us. Me and my squad mates were using a crater as cover as an army of droids advanced on us.

"These clankers are everywhere!" That was Sawer he and I had known each other from the start, "How about we shoot them all then?" I said it was a joke admittedly not the best, "Heh, I thought I'd leave them all for you." I smiled beneath my helmet, "That's decent of you." We and the others were firing the whole time at targets of opportunity, I saw my shot take down a battledroid and then another, the droids attacking us were a mix of battledroids and super battledroids.

At least there were no droidekas those were almost impossible to destroy. The droids were drawing closer and closer firing the whole time I heard a scream and one of my brothers was down a hole thru his helmet. The droids were getting closer a blaster bolt impacted right in front of me, sparks flew up from it and I flinched involuntarily. I fired a few more shots not sure if they connected or not but I ran further back for deeper cover, I heard screams and saw two more troopers down. "They're flanking us!" I heard someone shout.

I looked droids to the left droids to the right and right ahead of us, "There's too many of them!" I heard someone shout a blasterbolt sailed past my head, one of the smaller battledroids tossed a round object towards us, "Grenade!" Sawer shouted he shoved me roughly just as it detonated, and the world ended. There was suddenly no sound except a constant ringing, I felt myself flying thru the air and smacking against a pile of rubble, my helmet was gone, I saw where my comrades had been nothing left except strewn bodies or what used to be bodies, I saw the rest of my squad die as if in slow motion and I saw a shadow fall across me. I looked up to see a super standing over me, I felt something inside of me something gnawing, desperate, fear. I tried to rise but found I couldn't the droid lowered his arm strait at me and fired I saw a red flash and felt a searing pain in my chest. I felt myself convulse and then hit the ground. My vision faded to black.

I felt nothing, heard nothing, saw nothing I felt like I was swimming thru a cloud of haze if that makes sense. Eventually I felt myself return to reality; the first thing I felt was pain, my leg and chest hurt so did my head. A bright light was shining over me I moaned and rolled away and saw rows and rows of hospital beds. "Don't try to move too quickly." A female voice said I looked up and saw a Kaminoine standing near me. "Where am I?" I groaned.

"You're on Republic medical station M737." A million questions went thru my mind, "The battle? What happened?" She answered me "The battle was a victory for the Republic, you have been unconscious for a week, most of that time was in a bacta tank." A whole week! I must have been out of it. "What about the rest of my squad?" I had to know. She hesitated before answering me "I'm sorry you're the only survivor that was found."

I felt a cold hand clamp on my gut, they were dead all of them even Sawer, the Kaminoine continued, "You had a broken leg, a blaster shot thru the chest which barely missed your heart, and a concussion. You should be fit to return to duty within the month." I rolled over, "Good I hate doing nothing." I spent the rest of the day laying around on that hospital bed and eating the bland food there, when the time came for lights out I went to sleep instantly.

I saw Sawer again and the others we were all back in that crater on Christophsis, I heard the screams of the wounded and the constant clanging of the droids drawing closer and closer, I could feel the heat as a blaster bolt impacted in front of me. I saw it all happen again, my brothers dying around me the grenade detonating and myself flying thru the air, I felt the pain all over again and then that droid was over me, I saw that flash of red and felt that searing pain in my chest, I screamed.

I screamed and found myself in the hospital my body covered in a cold sweat, my hands were shaking uncontrollably. "What is wrong with me?" I whispered to myself. I didn't go back to sleep I knew what would happen if I did, and I didn't want to see it happen again.

I spent several nights there at M737 each time I tried to fight off sleep and sometimes I was lucky and I was too exhausted to dream, but most of the time I would see that cene played out over and over like a bad holodrama you couldn't turn off. Finally I was clear for duty, and rejoined the 501st legion. Our next mission was on Felucia. I wasn't too happy about that Felucia was constantly swapping hands, we would take the planet and then the Seps would take it back, it was a horrid planet, there was more than droids trying to kill you, and there were plenty of places to get lost. So many of my brothers lay buried on that forsaken planet, and I hoped I would not be among them.

The whole trip there I still feared to go to sleep, many times I woke up screaming. My fellow clones would ask me what was wrong, but I couldn't make myself tell them I just shrugged and told them it was a nightmare nothing to it. I sounded sure of myself but I wasn't, I had never felt this way before, I felt so helpless.

Finally we were given the order and I found myself crammed in a gunship with several other clones, my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to burst, my breathing became fast, "Calm down." I told myself I took long slow breaths thru my helmet, the gunship lurched forward and I felt my legs trembling, "That's normal, racing animals often do that before a race." I told myself I could feel myself sweating in my armor; we must have reached the atmosphere because the ship was being tossed around a lot.

The tossing sensation suddenly changed and I knew we were taking fire, when you have gone down as many times as I have you can tell the difference. The doors flew open and I heard the familiar orders, "Move, move, move!" I ran out my hands shaking clutching the Deecee. We ran into some thick foliage and that's when the shooting started, a red blasterbolt streaked by me my brothers returned fire a few went down with a cry I had become all too familiar with. One bolt nearly took my head off and instantly the images started bombarding me.

I saw that nightmare again, but this time it was even more realistic, "I didn't know where I was I just knew I was going to die, that red flash filled my eyes again, the screams were there again and now I heard my own voice joining them. A sharp pain stung my cheek I looked at a familiar helmet staring at me "Trooper! Snap out of it!" one of the other clones was yelling at me the battle was still raging around me. "Come on! We have to pres the attack." He pointed to the foliage where the shots were coming from, I don't know how to describe my feeling I just couldn't move, my legs were durasteel I couldn't lift them, "I can't do it! I just can't do it!" I wailed I let my blaster fall to the ground, "Come on get your act together!" The other shouted at me. But I couldn't do it I could barely even hear him; I just kneeled there clutching my head wanting it to stop wanting it all to stop.

"Take me away from here!" I heard myself pleading begging and I couldn't believe it was me making those whaling noises. I don't remember what happened somehow the battle stopped and I was back on the ship in the infirmary. I was still shaking I couldn't even drink the glass of water that was next tom me. A hand was on my shoulder, I looked up to see general Kenobi smiling down at me. "General Sir!" I said rising to stand he pushed me down gently. "Easy now Trickshot." Kenobi said his voice was calm, "Do you know where you are?" "Yes, sir the ship."

Kenobi looked at me for awhile before speaking, "What happened down there?" I bit my lip not wanting to answer him, "I can't say sir." Kenobi's expression grew hard, "You're going to have to." Slowly I began to describe what happened to me and the whole time I was scared I would lapse into the nightmare again, but somehow Kenobi's presence was comforting, perhaps he was using the force to calm me? After I'd finished he spoke.

"What you're suffering from is called PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's sadly a common thing in war." I looked at him, he spoke again, "You're not the first soldier to feel this way and unfortunately you probably won't be the last." I said nothing for awhile then spoke, "What's going to happen to me?" Kenobi smiled warmly, "We're going to send you back to Kamino where you can get proper professional help, you're going to be off the frontlines for awhile, at least until you've won your own battle." I hoped I could win it for my sake. Kenobi turned to go, but I stopped him, "Sir?" He paused "Yes?" I gulped, "Am I a coward?" He looked me right in the eyes and spoke, "No."

A day later and I was on a counselor class frigate bound for Kamino, one trooper had volunteered to escort me there, and he was called Spin for some reason. "Don't worry about a thing you're getting a vacation. Try to enjoy yourself even us clones need a break now and then." I smiled weakly at him, "I wonder if I'll ever be back to normal." Spin didn't know how to answer, "I don't know, but when has there been any challenge a trooper can't tackle?" I chuckled "Heh, good point." He frowned then, "Hey how about we grab a bite to eat?" I was feeling hungry myself, "Not a bad idea."

We went for the mess-hall, and I was already looking forward to filling up my stomach when something hit us, actually several things hit us. The ships alarm began blaring and a squad of troopers rushed by us, "We're being boarded!" One of them shouted, I moaned I wasn't armed but Spin was, "Come on let's find a place to take cover." He motioned and I followed after him meekly, we ducked into a lounge just as I heard the sickening sounds of blasterfire, "No, no, no not now!" I muttered to myself it was starting again. "Stay put." Spin said shoving me behind a table.

Spin took position behind a makeshift barricade of furniture blaster pointed at the door muffled sounds of blasterfire could be heard outside, just then the door was blown open it sailed over spin and smashed against the opposite wall, Spin wasted no time firing on whatever was behind the door, I heard something clatter to the floor and felt a slight vibration thru the deck plates, Spin fired several more shots. I felt my chest rising and falling fast too fast I was hyperventilating. Those awful images flooded my mind again. "No, no, no." Was all I seemed to say.

The back wall was blown in then surprised Spin whirled to meet the threat and fired a shot as two super battledroids entered, they lowered their arms at him. Just as they had done to me. The droids ignored me they either didn't see me or didn't consider me a threat. Spin kicked a chair at one of them and it staggered back he rolled forward avoiding the fire from the second and came up with what would have been a point blank shot. Unfortunately the super knocked the blaster away, it skirted towards my feet. The super picked Spin up with little effort and began to bring the second arm up to shoot him, Spin tried to force the arm down but the servos would win eventually. "Trickshot! Help me, please! It's going to kill me!" I looked at the droids so much like the one that almost killed me and I looked at the blaster the fear was rising in me I saw that red flash and felt the searing pain. "Trickshot please!" Spin yelled again.

Falling back on training I rolled forward grabbed the blaster up and fired three shots into the super it sparked and fell to pieces dropping Spin, I then fired while kneeling on the second which was even now aiming for me. My shots hit it just right and it clattered down uselessly. Two battle droids suddenly appeared thru the hole the supers had made I gunned both of them down before they had a chance.

I was scared still but I wasn't petrified with fear, handing Spin his blaster back I grabbed up one of the droid blasters "Come on we got boarders to repel." I said leading the way, behind me I heard Spin speak, "Good to have you back trooper."

Authors note: Hope all of you enjoyed this story, and I hope none of you mind this parting message to remember that there are real soldiers who have gone thru what Trickshot did don't forget to thank them some time.


End file.
